Friday, December 9, 2011

Home

When I took this picture of downtown Chicago from the airplane on my way to Knoxville I had no idea the depth of emotion/thinking and the length of blog post that would follow.



"I see the road now, I know just what I need.  To find my way back to Tennessee.  I'm going home now, to southern, it's so sweet.  And find my way back to Tennessee." -Billy Ray Cyrus, "Back To Tennessee"

(I laughed so hard when I looked up the lyrics and realized I wrote "southern air so sweet" when really Billy says "southern, it's so sweet".  I am so bad with lyrics.  Like SO bad. Just tryin' to be real here.)


I heard this song for the first time on the 10 hour trip from Knoxville to Chicago when Mom drove me to Moody in August.  As soon as it came on shuffle I knew that it would be what I listened to on my first flight "Back to Tennessee" for Thanksgiving break.  So, at 33,000 feet, I pulled out my journal and my iPod and listened.  Before long I looked out my window and there it was...Tennessee.  


As I landed, I remembered how much I love Tennessee.  I love the mountains.  I love the sweet air (Billy Ray really should have made that the lyric).  I love the people.  I love my house and the sweet family that I found there.  And so naturally, remembering all these things I love about Tennessee, I cried right there on the plane.  Emotion welled up within me the rest of the weekend because not only did I realize how much I love Tennessee, I realized how much I love Chicago.  All of a sudden, I did not know what "home" meant anymore.  I desperately wanted to figure out what "home" meant so that I could feel settled.

I thought about this so often while I was in Tennessee for Thanksgiving.  I was "home"in some sense of the word.  I was with family.  I was in a place I love with people I love.


But I realized that Chicago is home to me in a pretty literal way.  I am in love with this city.  There are many people here that I love dearly.  I love my bed.  I love studying at Moody.  I love making choices.  I love life here.  I love my life here.  

My life here involves having a mini-crush on D.L. Moody.  


It involves a new obsession with books.  I have a book called "The Heavenly Bridegroom and His Bride" with a message written to the recipient that is dated 1881.  The day I got it I think I told everyone I saw how much I loved the eternality of our God.  He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow (Hebrews 13:8).  He is with the first and with the last (Isaiah 41:4).  The church of 1881 was just at much His bride as is the church of 2011.  (Moody mini-crush evidence...)


My life in Chicago means my big sister gets to come visit me!  I love her so much. 



My life in Chicago means I get to go into the suburbs to hang out with these girls. Love them to pieces!


My life in Chicago means doing life with my roommate and friend Laur Door.


Life in Chicago includes ladies like this.  And free cupcakes all the live long day. 


Living on my own in Chicago means discovering what it means for me to be confident in the Lord.


My life in Chi-town means picking Mom and Dad up at the airport to see my home.


Life in Chicago means knowing and loving the blessing that is Hanna Campbell.


Home in Chicago means this is my view walking back from the gym at night.


Life in Chi-city is making brownies on the floor in my room.


Life in Chicago is studying in the grass with friends (before it got too cold) while drinking creme soda and feeling so self-conscious about what passers-by think we are drinking.


My life in Chicago involves Melissa running to Navy Pier to surprise me while I study there, walking back to campus with her, and stopping to take a picture with the couple that just got engaged behind us.  They are to the right of tree in the right half of the picture.  We clapped for them.


Having my home in Chicago means last minute road trips with Lauren who I love and Melissa who I love.


Home in Chicago means, you guessed it, more friends and more cupcakes.  Deryn and Allie are some of the most loving, caring people I know.


Living in Chicago means dinner dates every Sunday night.  I've already mentioned how incredible Lauren is (but it never hurts to mention it again-she's great), but I should also mention how much I love Kari!  She is precious and wonderful in so many ways.  I love laughing with her and talking with her.  I love when she does homework in our room.


My life in Chicago means getting to dance on the roof of my dorm with this as my view.


Home and school in Chicago means studying at Starbucks.  Please also note the red Christmas cup.  Joy.


Home in Chicago means getting excited about the first snow and taking a picture to remember the moment.


Home in Chicago is taking the 66 bus to a roommate dinner date.


My life in Chicago includes even more beautiful girls like Alissa.



My life in Chicago means cute coffee shops.


Having my home in Chicago means days shopping in Geneva with a friend who finds joy in little things with me.... 


...And then taking the train home to the city with her.


Life here means friends like Allie and Steph.  Since I've already mentioned Allie, I'll use this picture to express how much I love Steph.  The first time we had coffee together we both cried, realizing how similar our hearts are.  Loving Jesus alongside her has blessed me.


Home being Moody Bible Institute means this sign goes out every time a maintenance man, brother, or professor is visiting the floor.  So epic.


Life in Chicago means not even sore joints can stop us from going out for Fro-Yo.  All you gotta do is borrow a wheel chair.  Problem solved.


As Lauren would say, "We were such a mess."  But I loved every minute.


Home here means working out with these ladies.  Anna (left) is one of my favorite people at Moody.  Her gentle heart amazes me and I love being her friend. 


Life in Chicago means study dates at cute cafes!                                      

                                         

Living in Chicago in a building with hundreds of girls means we probably are not the only ones who talk  about boys late at night with squeals and hugs.  But we might be the only ones who take a picture in which we spell out "boys" in sign language. 


Having home be in Chicago looks like this.  Night time in Chicago.  Stunning.


Home in Chicago means knowing Faith (right) and being a better person for it.  She shows me Jesus.  Home at Moody (specifically on the 10th floor of Haughton Hall) means braiding Challah bread with 
Melissa and Faith to celebrate Shabbat.  I love how Melissa leads us in celebrating a day of rest.


Shabbat at home in Chicago means drinking grape juice out of my mug with this girl.


The other night, living in Chicago meant going to a Sara Groves concert, LOVING it, and meeting her.


My home being in Chicago means that when I fly back from my "home" in Tennessee, I follow these signs.


Then I see this as I wait for the bus back to Moody.


 So, as I was "home" in Tennessee struggling with what home means and as I have been thinking about it further I keep coming back to these thoughts.  Tennessee, or where ever my family is, will always have a beautiful, nostalgic, joyful, loving feeling of home.  But my home will not always be there.  Chicago is my home now.  However, Chicago may not always be my home.  I will not live here forever and I will be in Tennessee for some summers.  Does that mean I need to feel confused and unsettled again?  No, because here are the the two main things Jesus has said to me regarding home:

Home is where He has put me to love people in His name and be loved, and

Home is where ever I am with Him.    


As long as I am in a place that I can love and be loved, I am home.  As long as I am with Jesus, I am home.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

A Legacy of Thankfulness

On Wednesday, November 23, as the wheels from flight 3947 from Chicago to Knoxville touched the runway tears spilled from my eyes.  I knew I had my mom, a brother, and one of my favorite 8 year old friends waiting for me on the other side of the security check point.  I turned Billy Ray Cyrus' "Back to Tennessee" off, put my iPod away, grabbed my bags and walked as quickly as possible through the revolving door. I scanned the crowd of people for the ones that I knew, smiling when I saw Ben's little hand shoot up and point straight at me.

 I was home.  I was thankful.


*Rewind about a month and a half.*

On Friday, November 4, I called Mom and asked her how she was feeling one week after her surgery.  She told me she was doing better.  Then with a tender certainty she told me that Grandpa George was in the hospital and would not be going home.

On Tuesday, November 8, at 7:30 AM my phone rang as I was getting ready for class.  I saw that it was mom and my heart sank.  I answered the phone.  Grandpa was with Jesus.

On Wednesday, November 9, I was talking to Mom before my 11:00 class and she shared with me the words of my Grandmother that have marked me forever.  When my mom went in on Tuesday morning to tell my Grandma that the hospital called and her husband had died she grabbed Mom's hand and said, "O, dear Lord, thank you for my life with George. It has been such a good life." 


Grandpa was home.  She was thankful.


I deeply admire my Grandma's heart of thankfulness.  In what could have been one of the darkest day's she has seen, she chose to acknowledge the Giver of Life and thank Him.  I want to be exactly like her.  I want to acknowledge Jesus and choose thankfulness every day of my life.  



I also deeply respect and admire my Grandpa George's heart of steadfast love, devotion, and kindness that he demonstrated toward Jesus, his family, and all those around him.  I am thankful for the legacy that I have in Grandpa George and Grandma Phillis.

This is one of the photos that was displayed at his funeral.  What an honorable man.


I found this picture in their basement after his funeral.  I love it so!  They are too cute for words.


*Fast forward back to Thanksgiving break.*

After receiving flowers from Georgi and hugging Mom and Ben at the airport we headed to O'Charley's because I could not wait one more day for those delicious rolls!  The rest of my weekend was full of things to be thankful for.

I'm thankful that I did not have an emotional breakdown over the fact that this is what was happening in my room.  Less sarcastically, I am thankful that even though my real window was going to be covered because of our building project, they gave me a new one.


Here is the new sun room that I came home to.  I feel like everything about my house changed.  I am thankful that the people who live there did not change.


I am thankful for my cat.  My roommate Lauren and dear friend Carly hate cats.  With them hating on cats all the time my heart became hardened and I thought I didn't miss Jackson.  Then I saw him and I couldn't stay away from him.  Ok, I am going to stop before this gets weird.


I am thankful for Kathryn Marie Crouch.  She has taught me to love Jesus and love His Word.  She is so wise and just as I want to be like her mother, I want to be like her.


I was so thankful to have free food and drinks all weekend.  All my college friends can relate.


I was thankful to lay by the fire and watch silly cartoons with this beloved friend.


On Thanksgiving Morning my dad and brothers took me to the one mile Fun Run in Turkey Creek.  I was thankful to be able participate in my first legitimate running event with them.  Ben beat me by like 5 minutes and Andrew stuck with me the whole time.  Dad took pictures like any good dad would and then completed his run in like 6 minutes.  Not fair.  Actually, I will choose to be thankful that my mile went from 10:45 to 8:48 in 3 weeks.


Love this girl.  Thankful to be her friend!


I am so, so, so thankful for my brothers.


I was thankful for a 2 hour nap with my mom.  I have come to appreciate naps at college, but this nap has trumped them all.  I love her.


I am thankful for my family!  And I am thankful that they live in Tennessee.  I really like that state.


I was thankful that Lindsey posted a picture on my Facebook wall which reminded me to dress up my cat.  One of my favorite past-times.  He is just so stinking cute.  Andrew always makes me take the sweater off right away because it stresses Jackson out.


I am thankful for these men in my life.  So thankful.


I am thankful for my Mommy.  It was so fun just being with my family.  And this post would not be real if I did not also tell you that I am thankful for my boots and the sweater that Lindsey gave me that I am wearing in this picture.


I am thankful that Skinny had to come from Dad's office.  I really like having him in my home.


And Jesus only knows how thankful I am for these friends.  We forgot to get a picture before Madelyn had to leave, but I am thankful for her too.  And many others.  Jesus has been so gracious to surround me with fun friends who love Him and love each other.


Although I am thankful for things like cute out fits and cat sweaters, I am mostly thankful for Christ and those He has given me to do life with.  I am thankful for a Grandmother who has taught me the power of thankfulness. I am thankful for parents who have cultivated a love for Jesus in me.  I am thankful for a sister who is serving Jesus in beautiful ways all around the world.  I am thankful for brothers who make me smile and make me THINK deeply.  I am thankful for friends who make me laugh.  I am thankful to be at Moody Bible Institute.  I am my friends there that show me Jesus.  I am thankful for Christ.  And I am so thankful for His Word.


"Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 
1 Thessalonians 5:18